Remembering My Father

He was a person besieged with addiction--alcohol and cigarettes. The substance that he put in his body on a daily basis killed him while still in his fifties. I used to think that it was very irresponsible for him to do that-- leaving his family to cope up without the head of the house.

But now i realized that addiction is something you can't fight without the help of a professional.It's a chronic disease that will eat a person slowly until it's too late for help. That's what killed my papa.

Despite his imperfections , i still love him and miss him everyday. I used to wonder what my life would be like if he's still alive. I know for a fact that he was a very possessive and protective father. I can attest to that. He and Ma would fight because of me being left alone in the house . I was the apple of his eyes. What can i say, being the youngest daughter, i have all the love and attention. I was spoiled rotten, not with money because we're poor, but with love.

If he's alive today, i'm sure he'll be happy to see how our lives have changed.Gone was the small bamboo house we used to live in-- it's been replaced by a nice concrete bungalow. it may not be at par with others but still it looks modest . Everybody got their own families, except cito who's always bound in the house.Life is not that hard anymore and we're so blessed with many wonderful things. I'm sure he's grinning from ear to ear while watching his grandkids from above and proud of our accomplishments.

Wherever you are papa, you are greatly missed and that you're never forgotten. Everytime father's day come, I think of you and wish you're able to see my kids. Jaden is more like you, he got your personality and charm.Sorry if i don't visit in your grave often, i live so many miles apart, but you're always in my prayer.

Love you,

nday

I'm Back

Hi folks it's been quite a while since my last post. I've been in hiatus for over a month. Since i arrive from our 3 weeks vacation in Philippines, i felt so drained and out of energy. That many hours of long flights took its tool from me. All i want to do is sleep and sleep after work. Now i guess i've slowly regained that energy back. So what's new? Lots of things happened for the past weeks--We trade-in my husband's truck and got a chevy trailblazer.It has a nice blue color and so far we love riding on it.Aside from being roomy, it's cheap on gas too. My friend Mina and her husband and kids are relocating to auburn from las vegas. In fact, Richard already found a house and is busy decorating it for Mina's return from Philippines. This monday we'll be celebrating America's independence day from Great Britain, so that means three days off for me.I'm sure we'll be watching fireworks tomorrow. What else? So far it's been a great week and lots of sunshine. Happy Summer everyone!

Never Again

Why do people keep promises that they can't keep? Is" the word of honor" gone in this world? I'd like to think that there are still people out there who are trustworthy and deserve kindness,but not the people i know. It's sad, because I just want their life to be better even just for a day .I want to help, even giving the last ounce of penny in my pocket, but, what they do in return? left you stranded and struggle without even mumbling an apology.

People can be heartless sometimes and indifferent to other's feelings. They just want to use you and when they are done, they left you cold.I should know better but what can i do, i'm just a trusting kind of person .I have a soft spot to those who needs help but now, i've learned my lesson. Never again will i allow myself or my family to be used. I will hardened my heart and build and impenetrable wall within myself.

Forgive my venting but this is the only way that i can let out my emotions that has been overflowing of anger for the past days. How i wish that i could turn back the hands of time and start all over again but it's too late now.I'll just face the reality and hoping those people will realize the hardships they created.

Need Some Motivation

Why can't i bring myself to be motivated so i can finish my class project on time and start studying my lessons for the exam next week? I'm always cramming these days.It becomes a normal pattern that it makes me stress out but still i do it. I guess there's no one to blame but me.I know, i'm back to being lazy again ,which is not unusual.I keep being sidetracked to these movies that i got from netflix. I keep saying to myself that later i'll study but it's already evening and still i havent started the four chapters that will be included in the exam.what the heck! oh well, i guess i'll just have to force myself to do it or else i'll be in trouble.Can't afford to fail, not now.I think it's time to bring that studious person that has been gone long time ago.Lets just see.......